The post from Paul Byerly’s website www.thexycode.com  “Why Your Husband Wants You to Wear Lingerie But Won’t Tell You” essentially summarizes a dilemma that I thought of when I was a business student at the University of Washington. Back then (I won’t age myself here), I began to think of how to make it easier for men and women to communicate with each other when it comes to something many consider “awkward.”

Lingerie.

For some couples, going to a lingerie store in person or online is a natural and a safe place for their relationship. He tells her what he finds sexy, and she tells him the same and both don’t care that from the display to the packaging, items are sold with pictures of half-naked (or sometimes naked) models.

For many couples, that experience neither feels safe nor natural.

For many women and men, being surrounded or bombarded with photoshopped images of half-naked (or naked) women can be uncomfortable.  Also, we cannot help but compare ourselves to others, so women might feel intimated by needing to look the same way wearing a piece of lingerie as the model on the packaging.

There is something pure to the experience of a man only seeing her in the lingerie they purchased.

Getting to the point of feeling comfortable talking about lingerie in your relationship may require work. If you are a woman wondering what the big deal is about lingerie, the best way to summarize is how Paul put it:

‘…lingerie sends a clear message: “Come and take me!”’

Most men will not complain when she is the one to initiate intimacy, and putting on lingerie leaves no room for misinterpretation.

If you are a man and would like her to wear lingerie, the simplest thing to do is to just ask. But, like many simple things in life, they don’t always come easy.

Paul’s article lists four reasons for why a husband might not ask his wife to wear lingerie (assuming that he is into it):

• He’s shy
• Fear of rejection
• He doesn’t want to pressure her
• He wants to be surprised

While Safe Desires may not be able to help with #1 and #2, we hope that we can help with the latter two.

“I don’t want to pressure her into wearing something that I find sexy, but she might feel uncomfortable in.”

Assuming that she is open to wearing some intimate apparel, here are some ways that both of you can get on the same page:

• Simply browse our products while cuddling in bed together and talk about what he would like her to wear and what she would wear for him.
• Have each of you create an account and add items to your Wishlist.

If you are a man trying to surprise her but have no idea what to get her, keep the following things in mind:

• Know her size! Take a peek at her bra to find her bust size.
• For body-conscious women, loose-fitting lingerie that covers her upper body is the safest bet. Think babydolls and chemises.
• For larger busts, pay close attention to cup size when it comes to corsets, bra and panty sets, and bodysuits. At Safe Desires, we try to offer a wide range of sizes. If you cannot find the size that you are looking for, please don’t hesitate to contact us and we might be able to introduce a wider assortment of sizes in the near future.
• What men may find the sexiest, like garter belts and corsets, may take longer to put on.
• Know her size
• Be Confident but Considerate: Confidence is attractive, but make sure your choice reflects her comfort and style. Your enthusiasm is part of the gift, so enjoy the process and think about how wonderful she’ll feel.
• Understand the return policy. We have a very customer-friendly return policy. That is why we kindly suggest again: Know her size
• Set the right mood and expectation: Lingerie shopping is about more than just the garment. Think about the presentation. A beautifully wrapped gift with a thoughtful note can make the moment even more special.
• Choose and create the right moment: While a special date, such as an anniversary, is usually a safer bet to introduce and gift lingerie to your wife, make sure to make an “ordinary” day extraordinary. Be affectionate, and supportive and read her cues.

Buying lingerie for your wife is a wonderful way to show your love and admiration. By keeping her preferences and comfort in mind, you’ll choose pieces that make her feel cherished and confident. Happy shopping, and here’s to many unforgettable moments ahead!